How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
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