Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize
