maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
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I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
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I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
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