At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
