Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
Randomize
