Taylor Swift is so right about you.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
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