She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
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