I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
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