she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize
