Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Randomize
