I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize
