my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Randomize
