all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
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