This girl is more easily done than said...
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Randomize
