Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
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