its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
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