hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
Randomize
