Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
