the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
Randomize
