I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
