I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
please come you make the beer taste better
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
Randomize
