maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
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