I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
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