I wish my penis had an off switch
I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
Are my feet made of real feet?
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
Randomize
