My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
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