So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
Randomize
