Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
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