I'm going to jail i love you
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
