Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
Randomize
