It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
