Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Randomize
