you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
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I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
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