Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
I just threw up on my dentist
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
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