Texts From Last Night

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  (314): View more from Missouri

  There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.

  (818): View more from California

  Punch her baby.

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  (314): There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me. (818): Punch her baby. http://tfl.nu/ve2m
  Replies (59) Good night (6266) Bad night (863)
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  (405): View more from Oklahoma

  Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.

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  (405): Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever. http://tfl.nu/hc2j
  Replies (47) Good night (5058) Bad night (704) Order T-Shirt
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  (805): View more from California

  Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.

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  (805): Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible. http://tfl.nu/a85b
  Replies (7) Good night (7294) Bad night (770) Order T-Shirt
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  (608): View more from Wisconsin

  last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.

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  (608): last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome. http://tfl.nu/a48x
  Replies (32) Good night (8771) Bad night (1592) Order T-Shirt
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  (734): View more from Michigan

  THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?

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  (734): THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!? http://tfl.nu/2mg7
  Replies (19) Good night (4385) Bad night (1041) Order T-Shirt
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  (208): View more from Idaho

  I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work

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  (208): I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work http://tfl.nu/ffxc
  Replies (20) Good night (1703) Bad night (3066) Order T-Shirt
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  (419): View more from Ohio

  Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...

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  (419): Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this... http://tfl.nu/jh8c
  Replies (19) Good night (1806) Bad night (2858)
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  (781): View more from Massachusetts

  Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.

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  (781): Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad. http://tfl.nu/2wvl
  Replies (20) Good night (1308) Bad night (4766) Order T-Shirt
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  (806): View more from Texas

  It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.

  (1-806): View more from Texas

  It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.

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  (806): It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation. (1-806): It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that. http://tfl.nu/9jn5
  Replies (13) Good night (1812) Bad night (647)
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  (412): View more from Pennsylvania

  I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out

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  (412): I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out http://tfl.nu/phlg
  Replies (6) Good night (963) Bad night (381) Order T-Shirt
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  (208): View more from Idaho

  Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??

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  (208): Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five?? http://tfl.nu/5sl1
  Replies (2) Good night (605) Bad night (244) Order T-Shirt
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  (319): View more from Iowa

  I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.

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  (319): I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks. http://tfl.nu/yrtx
  Replies (2) Good night (792) Bad night (232) Order T-Shirt
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  (603): View more from New Hampshire

  Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.

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  (603): Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj. http://tfl.nu/n7sy
  Replies (5) Good night (942) Bad night (226) Order T-Shirt
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  (920): View more from Wisconsin

  She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.

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  (920): She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls. http://tfl.nu/7oj4
  Replies (2) Good night (559) Bad night (229)
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  (315): View more from New York

  Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack

  (1-315): View more from New York

  This is why I love you...

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  (315): Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack (1-315): This is why I love you... http://tfl.nu/jq03
  Replies (5) Good night (630) Bad night (80) Order T-Shirt

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