Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
Woman Using Lunch Break To Find Another Job Gets Hilariously Snitched On By The Local News
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
28 ‘Thanks For Coming To My Ted Talk Tweets’ Funnier And More Informative Than An Actual Ted Talk
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
Can you bring me the toilet please
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question