Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.