Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
They should really pass out barf bags in church
please come you make the beer taste better
21 Horribly Evil Pranks To Play On Your Drunk Friends
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
29 Times Beach Sex Ended With Sand In All The Wrong Places
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death