I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
These Are 23 Of The Most Uncomfortable Questions You Can Ask
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
The 17 Most Horrible Things Said To Online Daters
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted