I could have mohawked her pubes.
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
Randomize
