How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Randomize
