I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Randomize
