I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
Randomize
