think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
