you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
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Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
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Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
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