Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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