I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
Randomize
