i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
