its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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