If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
We were destined to go to rehab together
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
Randomize
