forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
