how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
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