Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize