YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
I would ride that face into the sunset
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Randomize
