Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
