no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
