Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
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