New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
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