I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
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