If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
