Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
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