You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
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