I can't watch pbs sober anymore
I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
Randomize
