i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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